Submit and Release

by DOMINA VESPER

People often ask me about the role of the bottom in D/s relationship or experience and what unusual or meaningful things it can bring to a person’s life. I talk about the ability to let go of control, to trust, to feel taken care of, and even deconstruct old traumas.

For example, a person may have a memory of a moment where they showed weakness or got in trouble—lost control of the situation, and the frustration of what they could have done differently and can haunt people for years.

In this case, a scene with an experienced Dominant can help to recreate that scenario and gives a submissive the opportunity to relive this situation embodied in real time, but slightly changing the moment of culmination or making a different decision. It can help to reframe the memories from negative to positive. Such methods of deconstruction of negative experiences are used in psychotherapy and, of course, specialists use more “orthodox” methods to achieve the desired result, such as hypnosis.

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